John Quincy St. Clair of Puerto Rico has solved the problem of full-body teleportation. His patent application explains the unlikely confluence of events that led to his discovery:

Full Body Teleportation System (#US20060071122)

BRIEF SUMMARY OF THE INVENTION

This invention is a system that teleports a human being through hyperspace from one location to another using a pulsed gravitational wave traveling through hyperspace.

BACKGROUND OF THE INVENTION

FIG. 1. Perspective view of site where
full-body teleportation occurred.

The basis for this invention is an event, referring to FIG. 1, occurring on May 2, 2004, in which the inventor ("he") personally experienced a full-body teleportation while walking to the bus stop (A) along a road (B) that runs perpendicular to the nearby commercial airport runways where planes are landing. There is a wide iron grating (D) for water drainage that crosses the road at the center of the bus stop. The grating width is such that one has to make a concerted effort to jump across it in order to get from one side to the other. Approximately 50 meters from the iron grating, he (E) felt a vertical wave (F), similar to a flag waving in the breeze, traveling down the street toward the bus stop. The wave velocity was about 1 meter per second, which was slightly faster than his walking speed. In the next instance, he (G) found himself down the street near the corner of the next block. Realizing that he had passed the bus stop, he turned around to see the iron grating approximately 50 meters up the street in back of him. Because there was no recollection of having jumped across the iron grating nor of having passed the bus stop's yellow marker line, he realized that he had been teleported a distance of 100 meters while moving along with the traveling wave. It was obvious that the wave was pulsed because the front edge overtook the inventor, moved with him momentarily, and then the back edge of wave left him as it moved on down the street. While contemplating this sequence of events, he then looked up and saw in a span of a few seconds a twin-turboprop airplane (C) in the distance crossing above the road while making a shallow descent in order to land at the airport.

It took a number of days in order to understand this sequence of events. The explanation involves knowledge of a wide range of subjects such as gravitation physics, hyperspace physics, wormhole electromagnetic theory and experimentation, quantum physics, and the nature of the human energy field.

If you're one of the handful of people on the planet with the necessary educational background to appreciate St. Clair's hyperspatial quantum formulas, you'll be fascinated to read that he draws on such facts as:

• The mass of the hyperspace energy being that resides in our bodies is 0.071 kilograms, as determined by early 20th century scientists.
• The speed of light in hyperspace is one meter per second.
• The answer as to how airplane props can generate gravitational waves that are able to shift into hyperspace ultimately lies in the Chinese form of breathing known as Chi Kung.
• The first mechanical means to produce anti-gravity was the Chakra Vortex Accelerator.

But if all that's a bit outside your comfort zone, you can just look in wonder at the final design for the Full-Body Teleportation System -- available soon at a St. Clair Teleportation dealership near you (and they'll all be near you via hyperspace):

FIG. 16. Perspective view of magnetic vortex wormhole generator
and obelisk gravitational wave generator.

the full body teleportation system consists of the twin granite obelisks (A,B) on which are mounted near the top of each the toroidal waveguides (C,D) which produce the pulsed gravitational waves (E,F) that run the length of the obelisks. Because the gravitational wave is rotating inside the obelisk, the granite stone undergoes a very small asymmetrical compression and expansion. A cylindrical gravitational wave propagates out from each obelisk such that along the centerline between the two there is generated a plane gravitational wave. This wave enters the wormhole (H) created by the magnetic vortex generator which is located a short distance from and parallel to the obelisks. The wave is amplified by a factor of almost 10¹³ when it enters the hyperspace co-dimension.

UPDATE: See St. Clair: Hyperinventor for much more on his inventions and discoveries.