The Seattle Monorail, which has been out of "service" since November when the Red and Blue trains collided violently over Olive Way, was set to re-open today to once again threaten lives and property. However, suicidal Seattleites and unsuspecting tourists were given a temporary reprieve this morning when the relaunch was delayed until at least next week due to "additional safety issues that need to be resolved".
David Heurtel, Seattle Center spokesmonorailist, claimed that the safety issues had to do with the "pneumatic systems" on the brakes and door mechanisms and not with the inherent uncontrollability and spontaneous-combustion-proneness of monorails. (Convenient that they would blame pneumatics -- trying to spread a little anti-Inteli-Tube propaganda, huh Dave?)
Some news I neglected to mention back in May: the doors replacing the ones that were sheared off when the monorail trains collided with each other were constructed by the Seattle Opera set department! That's right, stage illusions will be the only safeguard keeping passengers from plunging to their doom. While shocking, this isn't that surprising when you consider that the history of monorailism in Cascadia has been marked by rickety fake sets designed more for deception than transportation.
Given the spontaneous combustions, collisions, shady deals, government property seizures, and general monorail malaise surrounding this tired relic, isn't it time for Seattle to stop endangering its citizens and instead show transportation leadership by being the first to adopt a more sensible personal pneumatic tube system?
You know, if Seattle won't give pneumatic tube transportation a shot, perhaps Alaska would. They already have experience with long stretches of metal piping and a Senator who gets tubes. You're already close to losing the Sonics, Seattle; don't let this opportunity slip away too.