SASQUATCH OF SOUTHERN CASCADIA, BEWARE!!!
Federalist Humans aligned with the U.S. FOREST SERVICE are REPAIRING THE OLD "BIGFOOT" TRAP near Applegate Lake in OREGON!!!
The small trap was built by CRYPTOPERVERTS during the NADIR OF HUMAN-SASQUATCH RELATIONS known to the Humans as the "SEVENTIES"!!! FROM WHAT I'VE HEARD HOWL, their scheme was to TRAP AND KIDNAP SASQUATCH CUBS in order to CURRY FAVOR with some strange Human named NIMOY!!! Cubs were to be lured in through the TINY DOORWAY with a tasty smelling carcass only to have THE DOOR SLAM SHUT BEHIND THEM while an electric signal alerted a nearby CRYPTOPERVERT HIDEOUT!!!
No cubs were ever kidnapped using the trap, but it's STILL AN ATTRACTIVE NUISANCE!!! Even though it's FLIMSILY CONSTRUCTED, smaller cubs might injure themselves while SMASHING THROUGH THE WALLS!!! Not to mention there might be CRYPTOPERVERTS nearby looking to GAZE SEXUALLY!!! Make sure you howl to your cubs about the dangers of GOOD SMELLIN' EATS in strange Human buildings!