As readers of my site know, Belgian "citizens" are really kidnap victims who have been brought to a chamber under Euro-Disneyland in France, where they're hooked up to a computer simulation of "Belgium" (a country that does not exist) and brain-formatted to believe they are "Belgians". The interfacing of the "citizens" with the Belgian construct takes place through a Citizen Pod, a cocoon-like device that keeps a physical body alive and immobile while cybernetic probes inserted into the brain replace all sensory input with Belgian lies.

The Belgian Conspiracy has been planning to decentralize its Citizen Pod collection currently held in that single chamber, where rapidly diminishing pod-space is kept in check only by a black mold infestation that has been ravaging the physically moribund pod prisoners. The original plan was for a second chamber under a new Disneyland in Shanghai, but that plan has been proceeding slower than expected.

Now the Conspiracy has come up with a disturbing new solution to their pod-housing problems: they are marketing a Citizen Pod for use in public spaces around the world. The Immersive Cocoon (or, excuse my iRoll, the "iCocoon") isn't as advanced as the true Belgian Citizen Pods since it only projects images on the inside walls, not through a brain-computer interface. This is intentional as the true purpose of the iCocoon is to slowly acclimatize society to accept the existence of, and submission to, Citizen Pods.

Coming soon to your home.
Soon to be your home.

When complete, the Immersive Cocoon will be a sleek and shiny human-sized dome. Step inside and you'll be enveloped by a 360° display screen and full surround sound.

When the software boots up, instead of using a joystick or mouse to navigate the screens, motion-tracking cameras will follow the movement of your arms, legs and face, and a motion-sensitive platform will detect if you're walking or jumping.

"You've got display, sound and interaction all combined to create this fully immersed digital experience," explains Tino Schaedler, the architect-turned-film designer who is one third of NAU.

"It is completely different from me sitting in front of a screen, looking at a little picture and typing something in -- almost like the experience is reduced to my brain and my fingers. In the Cocoon we have the whole body immersed inside."

NAU, the front company marketing the device on behalf of the Belgian Conspiracy, happily notes that the iCocoon tracks the physical movements of the user with the same technology used by the oppressive, all-knowing government in the film Minority Report. If that doesn't sound alarms, the technology is based on the work of John Underkoffler of MIT's Media Lab, where they research mind-reading devices and spread FUD against personal mind-control protection.

According to NAU's timetable, a working prototype will be shown next year, with commercial models available in 2014. While they will first appear in public spaces, such as museums or malls, eventually NAU will introduce a special "consumer model" more like the ones found under Euro-Disneyland, allowing Belgian Citizen Pods to be distributed throughout the world in people's homes. Once the goal of total home market saturation is achieved, only then will the hidden brain-probe spikes shoot out of the iCocoon's walls into the base of the user's skull to immobilize them, forcefully reprogram their sense of identity, and immerse them in the inescapable fictitious land of Belgium. Soon enough, everyone will be a Belgian "citizen".

(With this and the danger from mind-controlling iPods, one might begin to be suspect of all podular forms of consumer gadgetry. However, rest assured that the Inteli-Tube Personal Pneumatic Tube Pod will not subvert your senses or mind. In fact, its psychotronically deflective aluminum shell will make it the perfect escape vehicle for paranoids once the Belgian Conspiracy moves to take over cities depopulated through Belgian Citizen Podification.)