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The Typing Octopus

Congratulations Aurora!

The Typing Octopus | 2005-04-14.1700 LMT | Cephalopods | Nature | Announcement
Lyle Zapato

Warrior Monks: The Belgian Connection

Lyle Zapato | 2005-04-12.2100 LMT | Belgian Conspiracy | NWO

In "The First Earth Battalion: Dare to Think the Unthinkable, Ideas and Ideals for Soldiers Everywhere," a document created in 1979 from research done at the US Army War College to counter advances made by extra-NWO Chinese military psychics, we are introduced to a number of concepts that were to be the blueprint for a NWO global police force of "warrior monks" disciplined in New Age technologies.

The paper predicted that by 1990 the First Earth Battalion "may be a pilot community of warrior-monks who completely recycle all resources, live amidst new nuclear reactors and [await] deployment to tension spots." Whether this came to pass or not is uncertain, as details of any further developments were never released.

This is all well documented in the paranoid literature; however, I have discovered a significant detail that has gone overlooked by conspirologists. In the document, we learn that warrior monks will use the following techniques and substances to tune themselves for battle (emphasis mine):

BATTLE TUNING

Using traditional and New Age ideas:

  • Rise
  • Yogic cat stretch
  • Primal scream and leap
  • Belgian waffle*
  • Ginseng tab regulator
  • Speed or morning thunder tea
  • Karate kata
  • Primal low frequency lights
  • Paced primal rock in our ears
  • Discordant sounds for them
  • Advance

Here we see the hand of the Belgian Conspiracy.

This led me to the following realization: if the Belgians are involved with the FEB, could it be that noted Belgian intrigant Jean-Claude Van Damme is actually one of these warrior monks, or at least a FEB agent working to condition the public to accept warrior monk policing? His oeuvre -- which includes Universal Soldier, about a secret government program to create supersoldiers -- seems to suggests the latter. That his career took off around the time that the document predicted the establishment of pilot warrior-monk communities also suggests that the First Earth Battalion program is both active and on schedule.

Van Damme is currently residing in Vancouver, B.C. It may be that he or his handlers realized that I was close to connecting the dots and have positioned him within Cascadia to assassinate me in order to keep the progress of the warrior monk program under wraps. I am preparing countermeasures for this contingency, but if I am discovered kicked to death, make sure this information gets out.

* NOTE: The Belgian waffle is not from Belgium, obviously. It was developed by the Culinary Institute of America, a government front, and initially tested on an unsuspecting public at the 1964 World's Fair in New York. This was the same fair that saw the unveiling of Disney's prototype psychogesticular hypnosis device called "It's a Small World," not to mention the further pushing of the monorailist agenda. Beware the fair.

Radical Sasquatch

HOWL: WOOKIEE RAGE!!!

Radical Sasquatch | 2005-04-05.4700 LMT | Sasquatch Issues | Entertainment
Chewbacca Figure
YOU CANNOT CONTAIN WOOKIEE RAGE WITHIN A PLASTIC BUBBLE!!!

Howl in the forest is that the Human called George Lucas will release another Squatchploitation movie called "Revenge of the Sith"...

***SPOILER ALERT!!!*** Nerd Humans: STOP READING MY HOWL NOW!!!

"Revenge of the Sith" will star CHEWBACCA the WOOKIEE... WOOKIEE IS HUMAN SQUEEK FOR SPACE SASQUATCH!!! In previous movies, Chewbacca was a sidekick to Space Humans! SASQUATCH IS NOT A SIDEKICK!!! Maybe Teh-Ima is a sidekick, BUT NOT SASQUATCH!!! Those movies were made during a dark time of Sasquatch-Human relations that Humans call the 1970s, when Sasquatch were persecuted by Nimoy and fake bionic Sasquatch battled bionic Human to a draw for Human amusement -- THIS WOULD NOT HAPPEN IN REAL LIFE!!! Bionic Sasquatch would delimb bionic Human Steve Austin in slow motion while howling that DA-NA-NA-NA sound!

...MY HOWL DIGRESSES!!!

The new Lucas movie is about the WOOKIEE ARMY fighting against the Space Humans invading the Wookiee home planet -- CLEARLY AN OBLIQUE PORTRAYAL OF THE SASQUATCH MILITIA!!! Ripping the limbs off of Space Humans is better than being a sidekick! LOOK AT THE MIGHTY WOOKIEE ARMY...

Wookiee Army copyright Lucusfilm

But something is wrong... If this Lucas Human has become such a friend to Sasquatch, then why is it that these Wookiees are still PLAYED BY HUMANS IN FUR SUITS!?!? IT IS OFFENSIVE TO ALL HOMINOIDS!!! Even worse, I have heard howl that the Wookiee Army is MADE WITH COMPUTERS... I DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT THAT MEANS BUT I KNOW THAT IT ENRAGES ME!!!

Lucas has enraged Hominoids in the past and now he is doing it again! Chewbacca and Wookiee Army should be played by real Sasquatch and not be made sidekicks of Space Humans! Chewbacca should have a LIGHTLOG, his own space ship that can make the Kessel run in LESS THAN SIX PARSECS, and get to howl "I HAVE A BAD FEELING ABOUT THIS!!!" while delimbing Space Humans!

HUMAN CALLED LUCAS, HEAR MY HOWL!!! Satisfy Sasquatch demands or Southern Cascadian Sasquatch Militia will PUMMEL SKYWALKER RANCH WITH BOULDERS!!!

SASQUATCH POWER!!!

Lyle Zapato

Faraday Tents

Lyle Zapato | 2005-03-23.4210 LMT | Technology | Aluminum | Belgian Conspiracy | NWO
Faraday Tent and diagram

A helpful reader emailed to inform me of a company he learned about called Holland Shielding Systems B.V., makers of RF-shielded enclosures and tempest equipment. They have many types of Faraday cages*, including their "Faraday tents", shown on the right.

At first I thought that this might be a good source for paranoid computer accessories, but then I noticed something suspicious. Their main website's domain is faradaycages.com -- sure to be found by anyone in the market for a Faraday cage, and in fact shows up on top as a sponsored link on a Google search -- and they conspicuously claim in the masthead to be from the Netherlands. However, if you click on any subpage on the site the actual URL of the page is hidden via a frame. And what is the domain used by their subpages?

hollandshielding.be!

That's right, Holland Shielding Systems B.V. is really a front for the Belgian Conspiracy! Clearly they are trying to undermine paranoidal use of AFDB and related technology with Faraday cage disinformation.

It is a common myth that AFDBs are ineffective since they are not proper Faraday cages (i.e. not completely enclosing). While Faraday cage configurations are needed to shield standard RF transmissions -- their main application -- they are not needed for protection against psychotronic mind control, which is based on psychotronic energy, a highly modified form of electromagnetic energy that can interact with neural tissues much more effectively than standard EM and is deflected by certain substances, most notably aluminum. The deflective field of an AFDB more than overlaps the brain, protecting the user from all but targeted basal-orthogonal attacks with medium- to high-power psychotronic ray guns, which can be countered by lining one's shoes and pants seat with foil.

Please, don't be fooled by crypto-Belgians promising to replace your beanie with a tent of dubious efficacy for psychotronic use.

* Faraday cages are named in honor of Michael Faraday. Before going on to make a name for himself with dynamos and benzene, Faraday was an "assistant" to Humphry Davy, the man who exposed the arcane psychotronic secret of Aluminum to the general public in 1807. After Davy's treachery against the mind control elite (explained in page-padding detail in my book), the NWO arranged for a 20-year-old loyal Orderist named Faraday to become Davy's handler -- to watch over him while the NWO engaged in damage control -- by temporarily blinding Davy in an "accidental" laboratory explosion, thus forcing him to seek Faraday's assistance. This was a prelude to Davy's "knighthood" (i.e. the psychotronic reformatting of his brain) the following year.

Lyle Zapato

Lord Kelvin Exhibit

Lyle Zapato | 2005-03-23.3250 LMT | Kelviniana | Announcement
Lyle Zapato

Mighty Cascadia Rumbles

Lyle Zapato | 2005-03-08.9250 LMT | Cascadia | Field Trips

Mount St. Helens has erupted again. Don't worry, you'll be hearing more than you care to know about it soon enough. When you're watching the live coverage on the news tomorrow with the reporter standing in front of the mountain, you may wonder what it looks like behind the scenes. For a taste, here's a panorama I took of the Media Circus that followed the minor burp last October:

Media Circus Panorama Thumbnail
Photo taken October 4, 2004. (Click to enlarge.)

It's kind of hard to see in the scaled down version, but there was a reporter doing a shoot at the time. Here's a close up:

Reporter

Anyway, the Media was segregated in a lot a few miles away from Coldwater Ridge Visitor Center (the closest, then-open facility to the mountain,) so they wouldn't pester the Normals. A few Media People did manage to escape the paddock and sneak their way to the visitor center though, as I was approached there by a roving reporter from some Canadian radio network soliciting human interest soundbites with a tape recorder. He seemed slightly disappointed when I declined to comment, but luckily the person next to me was chomping at the bit to tell Canadians all about his life-long love of volcanology.

Given the larger scale of the newest eruption, the Media Circus will probably be much larger this time. Then again, since it was only five months since the Media last visited, and especially since nothing blew up when they were there, the novelty may still be worn off. We'll see.

The Philatelist

Stamp Nook: R. Buckminster Fuller

The Philatelist | 2005-03-08.6400 LMT | Philately | Aluminum
Stamp

This edition of Stamp Nook looks at a U.S. commemorative issued last year that was brought to my attention by Reuben in the guestbook:

At the local post office this afternoon I found something wonderful that I thought perhaps Lyle and the Philatelist would enjoy. It is not a candy heart stamp left over from Valentine's day, but one honoring R. Buckminster Fuller and the geodesic colossus of his disembodied head. ... The futurist scene is monorail-free, but it does have some kind of a three-wheeled Winnebago.

Although I must admit to not being very fond of these newer self-adhesives with their ersatz perforations, it is nonetheless a lovely looking stamp. The illustration was done by Boris Artzybasheff (more) and was originally used on a 1964 Time Magazine cover for an article on Fuller entitled 'The Dymaxion American'.

The 'three-wheeled Winnebago' is actually Fuller's Dymaxion Car. It could seat eleven, travel at 193kph, get at least 13km to the litre, perform a u-turn in its own length, and was designed to eventually be equipped with 'jet-stilts' to allow it reach a house placed anywhere on 'Spaceship Earth' (Fuller designed a Dymaxion House that could be airlifted to any location, no matter how inaccessible, and suspended from a pole; a multi-tiered variation can be seen on the left side of the stamp). The car was also sheaved in aluminium, which, I have on good authority from Lyle, made its passengers quite immune to psychotronic mind control.

It was by all technical accounts a smashing success; however a mysterious 'accident' in 1933 involving the first Dymaxion Car resulted in the death of a famous race car driver and serious injuries to two dignitaries on their way to catch a Zeppelin. This generated negative press and soured any potential investors. (Interestingly, Zeppelins, which also had coverings made with aluminium, would a few years later suffer their own mysterious accident with similarly disastrous publicity.) Although Fuller's design was later vindicated when it was learnt the fault lie with the other, conventional-style car involved in the accident (driven by a shadowy Government official who fled the scene of the crime), it was by then too late and the project died, leaving today's motorists at risk for vehicular mind control and municipalities at the mercy of marauding Monorailists.

A sordid state of affairs indeed, but all in all a very collectable stamp for the transportation topicalist.

Until next time, happy philateling!

Lyle Zapato

GPM #13: Deoxys

Lyle Zapato | 2005-03-06.3100 LMT | Government Propaganda Mascots
Deoxys

Originally created as an experiment in overly aggressive psyoptic mind control aimed at children, Pokémon has since evolved into an all-embracing lifestyle for it's many fans. So it should come as no surprise that a Government agency has tapped into the power of Pokémon to condition young minds.

NASA has teamed with Nintendo of America Inc. to create an in-school program that will introduce K-6 students of North America to a new GPM called Deoxys, a space-virus type Pokémon that teaches children about extraterrestrial illnesses that can mutated into collectable fighting buddies when exposed to lasers.

Besides being part of a larger ploy by the Pokémon Company to replace all biology classes with Pokémonology studies -- thereby conditioning future generations to accept, and desire to purchase as pets, the genetically engineered lifeforms being developed on a small island off the coast of Sakhalin which Pokémon are based on -- the program synergizes with NASA's gradual revelation of the existence of Paraterrestrials to society, as well as their mandate to monitor the activities of citizens from orbit.

According to the press release, the program includes "awareness bracelets." They would like you to think that these are to promote awareness of space-virus-related issues among kids, but in fact they're designed to provide them awareness of your child's every movement. The bracelets are a replacement for the school "identification badges" (actually RFID tracking devices) that were found to not yet be acceptable to the public in a trial program earlier this year. The Deoxys program lets them reissue the same technology under the cover of Pokémania paraphernalia. (It's no coincidence that NASA is planning to relaunch its shuttle program shortly after the introduction of Deoxys materials into schools, as they need to attach a Pokémon bracelet detection unit to the ISS.)

Lyle Zapato

Lord Kelvin And Your Hard Drive

Lyle Zapato | 2005-02-27.2800 LMT | Kelviniana | Technology

Kelvin's "On the Electro-dynamic Qualities of Metals" describes his experiments with bits of nickel and iron that showed their electrical resistance changed depending on how they were oriented in a magnetic field.

What's so interesting about this 148 year old experiment? It marks the discovery of a phenomenon today known as anisotropic magnetoresistance (AMR) which is used by modern hard drives to read data. Just like in Kelvin's experiments, a hard drive's magnetoresistance (MR) read head changes its electrical resistance in response to magnetic fields, thus allowing the drive to read data from changes in the current being sent through the head as the head passes over the spinning magnetic platters.

The introduction of the MR read head (made of an alloy of nickel and iron -- the metals used in Kelvin's experiments,) allowed the explosion in hard drive sizes in the late '90s as they replaced the older, less-sensitive inductive read/write heads. (The original MR heads are now being replaced by even-more-sensitive giant magnetoresistive heads, which still contain an AMR element.)

So, the next time you look through your multi-gibioctet collection of MP3s, digicam snaps, and pirated episodes of American television shows, remember to thank the Lord Kelvin for giving you the ability to have greater areal density through the electro-dynamic wonder of anisotropic magnetoresistance.

Lyle Zapato

More From Robert Cassell

Lyle Zapato | 2005-02-25.0280 LMT | Letters | Entertainment

Got a spare three million lying around and want to position yourself to win a NOBEL PRIZE and the prestigious title of Humanitarian of the World? Bob Cassell has another proposition for you (this one forwarded to me by the recipient, name withheld):

From: Robert Cassell <bobcassell@hotmail.com>
To: [...]
Subject: Saving Lives Supporting AIDS Medical Research New Business Development
Date: Thu, 24 Feb 2005 21:28:36 +0000

Dear [...]

The following letter will explain how I have proven and tested both a product and concept that has the proven ability to raise in excess of $250 million per year per continent for AIDS Medical Research.

Permit me to explain.

Approximately two years ago my teenage daughter had Cancer. In order to maintain my sanity I developed a product and concept that has the Proven Market Testing worldwide to raise in excess of $250 million per year per continent for AIDS Medical Research. The initial investment of approximately $3 million will return at least $50 million per year. The $3 million in question is only half in cash and half in credit line.

So I need your advice, counsel and expertise relative to the AIDS crisis. Additionally, we could also create new jobs worldwide plus most importantly Saving Lives.

The product and concept in question is a consumer lifestyle product, that currently has no competition and utilizes a distribution system that has been used by only one product from one industry for over 50 years with resounding success.

Additionally, the concept will become a Television First. Never in the history of the World has a TV Show been broadcast Internationally ...bridging all time zones.

The company and/or investor will make themselves in a position to win the NOBEL PRIZE.

Of course there are a ton of stories that were generated over the past years. There track record of successes make the $250 million per year per continent very conservative.

Since my daughter won her battle against Cancer I believe that my effort should be utilized to help cure society of its ills. Therefore, the lion share of the profit is yours and any investor. All I want are a few points and the opportunity to spearhead the project. No front monies are required. I'll relocate any place to help rid our society of AIDS.

Personally, I've spent two decades representing the Fortune 500 Internationally from advertising, marketing , sales promotion and actual sales. Additionally, I've served on the Board of Directors of The National Crime Prevention Council.

Hopefully I've peaked your curiosity which will foster beneficial dialogue. Again, the key here is that the product and concept in question is not just another good idea it has been proven and tested. Together we can find one or more sponsors for a "Smart Pak" launch. Note: Remember Smart Pak embraces the benefits of winning the NOBEL PRIZE...either as an individual or corporation, a worldwide Television Special and the title of Humanitarian of the World. And most importantly we will save many lives worldwide.

Looking forward to hearing from you.

Respectfully
Robert H. Cassell
A Chicago Resident

Wow. $250 million × 7 continents = $1.75 billion in revenue. (That's assuming that there's a sustainable market for consumer lifestyle products on Antarctica. Otherwise it's a mere $1.5 billion. But I'm sure Bob considered the Penguin Demographic in his Market Testing.)

There is a dilemma here though: What if both NEW SPORT and "Smart Pak" get investors at the same time and both investors want Bob to relocate to different places? What a wacky predicament that would be! In fact, the concept would make a great COMEDY MOVIE.

Permit me to explain.

Currently there is no competition for comedy movies about an Idea Man with a Heart of Gold from Chicago who hits it big but ends up having to juggle spearheading two different international projects from two entirely separate locations. The concept in question would embrace as a source of comedic tension the main character's competing desires to share NEW SPORT with the world and rid society of AIDS, with lots of opportunities for physical comedy during his harried commutes.

The key here is the role of Bob Cassell will be played by an actor with a track record of successes in light-hearted comedies. I'm thinking Will Ferrell or maybe Bill Pullman. The emotional center of the movie will be the cancer-surviving daughter, played by Lindsay Lohan or maybe one of the Olsen twins. There should also be a love interest for the Bob character, possibly the daughter of one of the investors, or maybe a daughter of each investor for added farce. In the end, everything works out as both NEW SPORT and a cure for AIDS are introduced to the world.

COMEDY MOVIE will be family oriented with no violence, but there will be at least one gut wrenching car chase. The soundtrack will be Country Western driven.

With an initial investment of $1 million, COMEDY MOVIE would return at least $50 million in domestic ticket and DVD sales and generate a very conservative $100 million in the International Arena. Additionally, the movie's producers will make themselves in a position to win a GOLDEN GLOBE and send a clear message of pro-activeness to the Hollywood Community.

All I want are a few points and the opportunity to direct. I'll relocate to Vancouver, B.C. if neccessary.