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Newly added to the Tree Octopus sightings: Marc L. sent in a photo of a rare tree octopus that specializes in redcedar:
Here is a rare and endangered Cephalopod Thuja Pilcata or locally known as the Western Red Cedar Climbing Octopus. You don't see one of these babies everyday!! Especially this far inland!!
Emacs!
Photo detail enhanced using advanced ZPi cephalopod-image processing
technology.
Marc has his names a bit confused, which is understandable given the esoteric nature of tree octopus cladistics. Thuja plicata is actually the scientific name for the Western Redcedar tree that this octopus calls home. The correct binomial for the octopus itself is Thujoctopus pilosa, named for the lush coating of bluish velvet that it evolved to help retain moisture as it migrated deep inland from its ancestral Pacific home. Unfortunately, this notable trait led to its current rarity.
Originally considered a cheaper domestic alternative to fine velvets imported from Italy or Kashmir, redcedar octopus pelts became popular in the early to mid 20th century with a growing North American middle-class desperate for luxury goods. In particular, evening dresses made entirely of undyed T. pilosa pelts became such a fixture during the post-war period that they were immortalized in the song "Blue Velvet" -- made a hit in 1951 by Tony Bennett and again in the 1960s by Bobby Vinton.
(The song also featured prominently in the 1986 film "Blue Velvet" by director and animal lover David Lynch, who considered it emblematic of the moral degeneracy of suburban middle-class life. Lynch spent much of his childhood in the woods of eastern Washington and was well aware of the devastation brought against the local tree octopus populations by the twisted, fetishistic desires of the suburbs.)
Eventually, shrinking numbers of redcedar octopus combined with inexpensive mass-produced synthetic velvets available on the burgeoning global market led to the pelt trade becoming unprofitable -- narrowly saving T. pilosa from extinction.
UPDATE 2007-01-01: Marc sent another picture showing a breeding colony of "Cedar Pus", as locals call them.
Many news reports state octopus body found in Ohio River by fisherhuman. Much confusion: octopus hate rivers and Ohio. Suicide or foul play?
Now revealed: octopus victim of human's bizarre "project". Human student dumped octopus body in Ohio River after filming snuff movie. Snuff movie featured "picnic scene" of horror.
Human bought corpse from St. Matthews seafood store. Planned on eating corpse. Octopus too old for human student; human student likes young corpses. Dumped in river instead. Thought river would wash away interest in crime against octopusity. Human thought wrong!
Octopus community issues demands: Student human and accomplices charged with desecration of octopus corpse. Octopus snuff film destroyed. St. Matthews charged with cephalopodicide.
Humans finally acknowledge: octopus pop and lock skills put human crews to shame.
Octopus issue battle challenge: all top bhumans verses top octopus crews in shore-side tournament at low tide. Prize: respect, tasty crabs.
More news: Squid learn shyness from parents, need assertiveness training. Octopus suggest breakswimming programs for deep-sea squid youth, build self-esteem, harmless vent for misogynistic tendencies.
Innocent squid vacation off Chile. Enjoy warm seasonal water, delicious fishes.
Encounter female human fry. Think harmless. Investigate.
Brutal attack by humans! Humans stone squid to death! Drag dead squid vacationer from water! Carry corpse through street! Gurgle horrific human sounds!
Chile coastline not safe for cephalopods. Avoid! Avoid! Avoid!
Humans, stop pestering octopus. Pester squid instead: giant squid diving expedition.
"Red Demon" Giant Squids of Mexico
Jaguars of the OceansJoin us for an adventure that fewer than 20 divers a year get to experience, an underwater encounter with the Giant Squid (Dosidicus gigas) otherwise known as Red Demon squids in Mexico. Growing up to seven feet long, 150+ pounds and occasionally bigger—possibly much bigger these are the pinnacle predator of the ocean. An apex predator that even sharks stay clear of.
Sandwiches, anti-squid armor provided.
Evidence Submerges: Human ROV Stalking Octopus
The Typing Octopus | 2006-01-29.0150 LMT | Nature | Politics | Technology
Intrepid octopus investigator risk sasquatch eating, discover secret human program to follow, spy on octopus with ROV-like robot. Human document admit intent:
...We want to design a mini-robot that will carry a video camera, follow an octopus around under the water, and always keep the animal in the camera's viewfinder. Since the robot will act like a Private Eye and tail the octopus everywhere, we think it should be called Shadow.
Reason? Discover evidence human target octopus for theft, desire steal octopus antiquities. Human ROV steal heavy pointy thing from octopus foyer.
Human ROV casing octopus home? Human ROV take salmon information box? Evidence conclusive: octopus not senile. Octopus innocent victim of vast human burglary conspiracy. Human caught in act, engage in cover up. Watergate! Watergate! Watergate!
HOWL: THIS BLOG IS DISINFORMATIVE!!!
Radical Sasquatch | 2006-01-28.3130 LMT | Sasquatch Issues | Monorail Danger | Cascadia
OTHER BLOG CONTRIBUTORS, HEAR MY HOWLS!!!
HUMAN LYLE: You are wrong about the GIANT FOREST OCTOPUS being a myth! I HAVE SEEN IT MYSELF!!! Other Sasquatch howl that I am crazy but I KNOW WHAT I SAW!!! I was walking through the forest one night ENGAGED IN PRIVATE SASQUATCH BUSINESS THAT IS OF NO CONCERN TO NOSEY CRYPTOZOOLOGISTS when I heard the DEEP CLACKING OF A BEAK in the distance and smelled a STRONG ODOR OF AMMONIA on the wind! Then all of the sudden A GIANT ARM AS THICK AS A LOG WITH A THOUSAND SUCTION CUPS lunged out of the dense trees towards me! Although it was dark I was able to find a nearby boulder to defend myself! I SMASHED THE ARM BEFORE IT COULD GRAB ME!!! There was a GURGLING SCREECH in the distance and the arm started to retract back into the trees! Before it could get away I took a bite out of it! IT WAS DELICIOUS!!!
SILLY LOOKING HUMAN WITH STRANGE FIXATION ON MONO RAIL: Vanara would never build a mono rail! WHAT SORT OF FUNGUS HAVE YOU BEEN GATHERING?! Vanara are proud Hominoids like Sasquatch! If you ordered Sasquatch to build you a mono rail WE WOULD CRUSH EVERY ONE OF YOUR BONES and howl at your floppy corpse: "THERE'S YOUR MONO RAIL!!!" Vanara would do the same, I am sure! Anyway, IN MY HUMBLE OPINION, what Cascadia needs is a SYSTEM OF GONDOLAS traversing the forest canopy! THIS WOULD MAKE IT MUCH EASIER TO GATHER TREE OCTOPUS!!!
TYPING OCTOPUS: I know you are using one of our Hominoidnet kiosks... IF I FIND YOU I WILL EAT YOU!!!
Octopus victim responds to new accusations:
Lies! Lies! Lies!
Anti-octopus bias in human media. Truth here.
Octopus awaken by yellow intruder stealing salmon information box. Intruder attack octopus, take property. Octopus not senile. Octopus have no interest in mating with yellow armless thing. Octopus only want box back.
Give octopus box back!
Cephalopod, crustacean, nudibranch unite in protest: "Things on seafloor ours!"
Anti-Defamation Leagues Under The Sea demand human apology, give box back.
Salmon call for independent investigation, cite "Human-Octopus Axis of Evil".
ZPi reader and bumpersticker consumer Karla directs our attention to an interesting find:
Please allow me to direct your attention to evidence of tree octopuses in New England. Of course, this is unverified, so it may just be a red herring. Or it may be the remains of a PNWTO brought back by one of those venturesome New England sea captains of old.
New England tree octopuses, such as the Sugar Octopus, are not unknown, but none achieve anywhere near the size shown in those pictures. While there have long been rumors of giant forest octopuses in Cascadia, these have never been verified by serious cephalopodologists and are generally agreed to be the product of the over-active imaginations of hungry Sasquatch out gathering normal-sized tree octopuses.
I'm afraid that that giant "tree octopus" (much like the Cardiff giant) is a fraud -- most likely created by cryptozoologists to lure gullible Sasquatch to New England -- and not an actual petrified terrestrial octopod.
Octopus victim (identity protected).
Innocent giant pacific octopus residing off Vancouver Island in Cascadia suffer malicious attack by remotely operated human submarine.
Octopus find nice metal box left on sea floor. Box contain valuable information revealing whereabouts of tasty salmon. Law of the ocean: Finders keepers (see: Hermit v. Fiddler, 1987).
Human submarine stealing box. Octopus protecting property. Human submarine blast octopus with mechanical siphons, rip two arms off octopus, steal box. Octopus pale with distress. Octopus demand restitution.
Human submarine operators record crime, post crime video to Internet, make false accusations, show no shame.
All octopus protest human crime. Will bite transoceanic Internet cables unless salmon information box returned to rightful octopus owner. Octopus lose salmon information, humans lose celebrity gossip.
