ZPi Logo "Serving the Paranoid
since 1997"
Lyle Zapato

Viral Marketing And Microsoft Word

Lyle Zapato | 2005-10-22.2300 LMT | Entertainment | Letters

Perhaps by now you've seen the blog with the video of the giant uncovered by the tsunami?

Back on the 12th I received an email from someone claiming to be the publicist for Eric Belson, the owner of the above blog, who claimed to be writing a book on the mythology of giants. The publicist asked if I would run the tsunami giant footage on my site. The email had attached a press release in MS Word format breathlessly announcing the release of the video. Opening the doc up in a regular text editor revealed that it was created by someone working for TBWA\Chiat\Day, a large advertising agency used by Sony and known to engage in viral marketing.

The general consensus, based on the content of the video and others since released on the blog, is that it's all a viral ad for a Playstation megacide simulator called Shadow of the Colossus. So here's further confirmation, albeit somewhat late.

It also confirms the dangers of Microsoft Word. This is why True Paranoids write their duplicitous press releases using hex editors.

(When I received it, I emailed the publicist back asking if she worked for TBWA\Chiat\Day, but she never responded. If I had made the connection with the game then, I would have tried to finagle a free copy out of them -- no doubt a useful training aid for my eventual final showdown with the forces of Federalist Canada -- but it's obviously too late for that now. Oh well. Anyway, thanks for linking to my site, guys... although it should be "Zapato Productions intradimensional" not just "intradimensional" -- hey, I was nice enough to humor your ridiculously backslash-cobbled name, allow me my titular extravagancies.)

UPDATE: Giantology Revisited.

Lyle Zapato

Duck And Cover (With Foil)

Lyle Zapato | 2005-10-20.4700 LMT | Aluminum

Did you know that in the event of a nuclear explosion directly over your head, your AFDB will provide you with valuable microseconds of thinking time that unbeanied orthonoids will not have. It's true!

In the 1950s, photos of nuclear tests taken with Rapatronic cameras revealed an effect dubbed a "rope trick" (bottom of page) where radiant spikes travel down the mooring cables that hold the test tower in place, moving ahead of the nuclear fireball. Dr. John Malik determined that this was caused by the ropes being vaporized by the energy released as light, which was many times greater than the heat from the fireball itself and, of course, traveled much quicker. Malik found that if he wrapped the cables in aluminum foil, no spikes were formed.

Nuclear fireball with 'rope tricks' from nuclearweaponarchive.org

With an AFDB, you can rest assured that the light from a nuclear explosion won't vaporize your head. Depending on how far away from the blast you are, this may give you enough time to outrun the fireball and leap to safety in cinematic slow motion, while all those beanie-scoffers are left behind looking like lit matchsticks.

Remember: only the paranoid and cockroaches will survive.

Lyle Zapato

The Brussels Beast... It Grows

Lyle Zapato | 2005-06-24.1200 LMT | Belgian Conspiracy | NWO

As has been widely reported, the US DOD is creating a database of students, ostensibly as a means to aid in effective recruitment. While the Pentagon has collected the data itself, processing will be subcontracted to a private database marketing firm.

Their name? BeNOW.

Do I even need to explain this one? As you should be aware, "Be" is the official brandmeme of the Belgian Conspiracy -- designed to hijack the psycholinguistic receptors for the concept of existence in the minds of English speakers -- and "NOW" is clearly an anagram of "NWO". (Also, check out the logo for BeNOW's "MVP Technology," what they call the giant computer they use to calculate all there is to know about you. Look familiar?)

Obviously this shadowy company -- whose website is short on details and long on generic marketeering buzzbabble -- is just a poorly concealed front for the Belgian Conspiracy in their scheme to transform everyone into Belgian citizens through a process of identity subversion (see my post on Belgian Identity Theft for more on this process).

They will now have access to name, gender, address, birthday, Social Security number, email address, ethnicity, telephone number, graduation dates, grade-point average, education level, military test scores, and who knows what else for all students aged 16 and older in the US. Cross-referenced with data collected by their business partner DoubleClick, that's more than enough information with which to subvert identities and turn an entire generation into Belgians.

Lyle Zapato

Psychotropically Enhanced Beer

Lyle Zapato | 2005-05-30.0710 LMT | Belgian Conspiracy | NWO | Mind Control | Food

A reader asks:

Dear Lyle,

A member of our county School Board has asked me what psychotropically enhanced beer is. What should I tell him?

Thanks,

[Name withheld]

Psychotropically enhanced beer is beer that has been enhanced, either during the fermentation process or later, with chemical substances that affect the perceptions of the drinker, making him or her more susceptible to various types of mind control.

The Belgian Conspiracy is well known to use psychotropically enhanced beer to make those targeted for Belgification more readily shanghaiable by causing them to perceive Belgians as family and Belgium as home. The Conspiracy's promotion of the aptly named Trappist beer is one of the primary ways they gain fresh bodies to put in Citizen Pods under Eurodisneyland.

Athleticists have also been known to employ psychotropic enhancement, both in sports drinks and beer served at games, the latter to make fans more rabidly loyal to "their" team and loosen their minds to the psychotronic signals that are deflected off of aluminum baseball bats into the stands.

More disturbingly on an existential level, beer has been psychotropically enhanced since its very discovery. Barley, historically the primary ingredient of beer, evolved the ability to use a symbiotic relationship with various fungus species of the genus Claviceps to psychotropically weaken the minds of humans who consumed it to the subtle psychotronic abilities inherent in the grass family, giving the plants control over the humans.

In fact, it is widely believed among paranoid historians that Humanity owes its advanced societal development to this grassy manipulation of early humans, first through bread then later beer and other drinks such as kykeon -- manipulation that has culminated in a slave species that tends to the grasses' needs and whims, freeing the grasses to finally attain sentiency and communicate with paraterrestrials via a complex language of circles. (One dark theory maintains that the grasses are actually the ones ultimately pulling all the strings of the NWO, as evidenced by the symbolic circling of the world by two stylized ears of wheat on the UN logo. However, this is controversial.)

I hope this answers your questions about psychotropically enhanced beer.

Lyle Zapato

Belgain Identity Cards

Lyle Zapato | 2005-05-29.7100 LMT | Belgian Conspiracy | NWO | Mind Control

Further evidence (as if it were needed) of the fictional nature of "Belgium": so-called Belgians can't even get the spelling of their own country's name right. They claim the mistake is intentional, to foil counterfeiters, but clearly someone in the NWO is having a hard time keeping their silly make-believe names straight.

This misspelled card is part of the Belgian Conspiracy's plan to steal everyone's identities and turn them into Belgians. While at first the cards will only be issued as virtual versions to the Conspiracy's mindslaves plugged into Citizen Pods under Eurodisneyland, eventually actual physical Identity Cards will be introduced throughout the world, thus giving the Conspiracy control over our very identities. The groundwork for this is already being laid in North America and Europe.

Five years after that happens, when you get your updated card and find your name is now Luc Peeters and you work in a chocolate factory in Liège, you'll have no recourse but to accept your new identity. If the card says it is so, then it is so.

Lyle Zapato

Tinfoil Hat Song

Lyle Zapato | 2005-05-21.4910 LMT | Aluminum | Mind Control
Lyle Zapato

Home ASE Under Attack

Lyle Zapato | 2005-05-21.3650 LMT | Aluminum | Black Helicopters

A family in a Sacramento, CA neighborhood has turned their home into an Aluminum Shielded Enclosure (ASE) in order to protect themselves from bothersome neighbors who somehow managed to obtain a primitive microwave-based psychotron and are targeting the family with EMF harassment. (The nature and source of the radiation was confirmed using scientific instruments operated by the family's college-educated daughters.)

Their ASE design consists of an external covering of sheet aluminum aligned against the neighbors with an internal aluminum foil lining. For additional safety they also sleep in aluminumized thermal blankets.

Sacramento Code Enforcement agents have learned of the family's ASE and are pressuring them to dismantle it by Monday or face a misdemeanor citation.

Yesterday, KCRA News 3 and KXTV News 10 NewsChoppers circled above the home and captured the following News Photos as part of their investigative News Report:

News photos

So let's see: A conspiring neighborhood association ("Neighbors working together" -- to what end?), the Government meddling in their home décor, nosy Media spying on their home from the sky using helicopters... I'd say the aluminum was justified. If only they had remembered the camouflage.

UPDATE 2005-05-23: I was just reminded of this metal-clad house sighted in 2003 by antipixel.com. Note, in comparison to the newer house, how the external metal sheet closely conforms to the house shape and the use of climbing vines for camouflage. Tips to consider for future ASE construction.

Lyle Zapato

Mind Reading Machine

Lyle Zapato | 2005-04-30.6810 LMT | Mind Control | Technology | NWO

Now for sale on eBay: One temporally displaced Strauss Mind Reading Machine...

hello, i am selling what i believe to be a mind reading machine built by Dr. J. S. Strauss in the year 2282. After finding the time machine and the shrinking machine in my house i started to think what other stuff might be hidden away in my home. So i started searching from top to bottom and thats when i found the mind reading machine. It was hidden in a very tight corner of my attic and was wrapped in a old bed sheet, covered with dirt. With a wet paper towel it cleaned up very nice (see pictures).

The machine is made out of copper, metal, and plastic. Now, I wouldnt think that plastic would still be around in the year 2282, but i guess it still is. The mind reading machine does not work from what i could tell, but some one who knows electronics might be able to figure it out. I had my friend wear the head peice and i pushed on some buttons, but we just could not get it to work. We only know how to work on cars, this electronic stuff from the future is hard for us to understand, so thats why i am selling the mind reading machine....its why im selling off all of these inventions that i have found.

I believe the seller and his friend might be playing with forces they do not understand. The device pictured is not a normal mind reading machine as we understand them today. Conventional mind readers are used by the NWO and do not need to be physically attached to the thinker. What I believe he has is a part of a morphic field transmitter that is designed to upload a person's essential psychic patterns into the aether, allowing a copy of that person to exist separately on a higher dimensional brane.

Their fooling around with it might be filling up branic space with multiple copies of themselves! If Sheldrake is right, and undoubtedly he is, there could soon be a global pandemic of flannel, unkempt facial hair, and chunky glasses as their morphic resonance patterns begin to influence people's consciousness on a holonic level.

NWO Agent 5573-XQ

Food Pyramid Scheme

NWO Agent 5573-XQ | 2005-04-19.7700 LMT | Food | NWO

[ZPi Intercepted Transmission Begins:]

TO ALL NWO AGENTS, FOOD SERVICES DIVISION:

Phase I of Operation Food Guide Pyramid is complete. Citizenry now accepting of dietary advice from pyramid, associating pyramid with positive food imagery.

Phase II is now initiated. Citizenry will be made to feel sense of belonging with pyramid concomitant with desire to voluntarily ascend pyramid steps into swirling multi-colored lights.

We predict Phase II will require no more than 6 years, allowing completion of Operation in 2012 with Phase III, wherein plumpest third of citizenry will be transported to Yucatan Peninsula and sent up pyramid to board waiting starship. This food payment to periodical Quetzalcoatlus armada will avert global paraterrestrial invasion, allowing NWO agendas to continue uninterrupted.

Refer to included link for procedural modalities and indoctrinational materials.

Link: http://www.mypyramid.gov/

[ZPi Intercepted Transmission Ends.]

NWO Agent 5573-XQ

NWO MindPort

NWO Agent 5573-XQ | 2005-01-27.2620 LMT | Crafts | NWO | Mind Control

[ZPi Intercepted Transmission Begins:]

TO ALL NWO AGENTS AND BELGIAN H-1B WORKERS:

In order to better coördinate NWO agendas among agenda facilitators while cutting operating expenses, all non-field operatives will be required to construct a MindPort and deploy it in their work stations. This will allow for the direct delivery of NWO directives to the prefrontal cortices of all agents via deflection node signal propagation, decreasing the need for multiple intraoffice psychotrons across all agencies.

The MindPort device is composed of a psychotronically transparent, paper-based protective pyramidic shell enveloping a psychotronic deflection core made of a ball of aluminium foil crumpled according to a polystochastic Riemann manifold tesseractoid with its tensor wells aligned to four eyes printed on the shell surface for easy tuning. Sector-specific crumpling instructions will be burst-fed directly to agents' motor-control centres by their immediate supervisors.

Failure to install the deflection core inside the paper shell, thus rendering the MindPort a functionless ruse that anti-mind-control agitators could use to infiltrate NWO ranks without mental synchronization and sabotage our agendas, will result in the immediate liquidation and erasure from the collective consciousness of all responsible parties.

Attachment: mindport.pdf

[ZPi Intercepted Transmission Ends.]