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The Monorailist

Monorail Akbar!

The Monorailist | 2007-04-08.3460 LMT | Monorail Danger

News from the East: The Hajj to be Monorailized!

A study prepared by the International Transport Projects Company for a monorail system that will transport pilgrims to and from the holy sites of Mecca, Mina, Muzdalifah, and Arafat has been joyously welcomed by agencies of the Saudi Arabian government. The $1.86 billion, four-line project could be completed in a mere four years and will be able to carry nearly 800,000 pilgrims during the Hajj in the sort of dignified efficiency that only monorails can offer.

As explained by monorailologist Dr. Muhammad Naji Kurdi, a Mecca monorail system will have wider social benefits beyond easing the pilgrimage: "It will also create new job opportunities for young Saudi graduates, especially in operating monorails and manufacturing carriages and their spare parts."

With the coming of the Monorail, disaffected Saudi youth will turn away from anti-social avenues of expression to embrace the uplifting of mankind through monorailular knowledge. This will lead Saudi Arabia inexorably away from their destructive oil-based economy toward a sustainable monorail-parts-and-services-based one -- a positive transformation that we must all go through in this new century, the Century of the Monorail!

Although the current plan only encompasses transporting pilgrims between the holy sites, my contacts in the International Monorailist Community assure me that Phase Two will present a bolder vision: Once the four separate lines are connected into a single, continuous one -- complete with spiraling track around the Kaaba, switchback tracks between Safa and Marwah, and the ability to cast stones from the monorail's window as it passes by the jamarat in Mina -- and a high-speed line from Mecca to Medina is added, pilgrims will one day be able to make the Umrah and the Greater Hajj without ever disembarking the Monorail.

Some in the Muslim world may be leery of such modernity coming to this, their most holy of places. But let me allay these fears: This choice to submit to the Monorail -- if such an irrefragable inevitability can be called a choice -- is the right one for Mecca and for Islam.

There is a natural concinnity between Monotheism and Monorailism -- a shared purity of Singularity that speaks to Unity and Transnational Brotherhood. While the Monorail is the epitome of Ultramodernity, it is also a timeless invocation of Oneness, uniting the Future and the Past in a continuously looping track with a station conveniently located at Now. How fitting then that the Five Pillars of Islam should be joined by the Concrete Pillars of the Monorail. In fact, I would dare suggest that it would not be theologically unreasonable to proclaim: "There is no God but Allah, and Monorail is His public transportation!"

I say unto the people of Saudi Arabia: Welcome! Welcome into the fold of Monorailfaring Nations! While Dubai may have gotten here ahead of you by creating the first monorail in your region, your contribution to the Monorailist Cause will be no less important, as you will be poised to introduce the profound spiritually transformative power of the Monorail to pilgrims from all over the World.

So, to the minarets, you muezzin of Monorailism, and let this be your adhan: A Mecca for Monorailists! a Monorail for Mecca!

End of post.